How is Miami?
Omk. I'm shitggaved om loincoln
I just remembered I gave a homeless man a ride to his bridge last night.
I woke up at 3am naked and stroking a watermelon.
we cant have a funnel and a dog. thats a lot of responsibility
And nobody saved him?? That chick had like three teeth TOPS
that bitch in the red sedan is still teasing me with the ice cream cone. i'm going to show her my dick
we need to find an occasion to wear tutus
You fed me pizza off a sword last night.
A lumberjack bearing the gift of small oranges or gymnast sex... I love you man but you lose that battle 9 out of 10
I deflowered you on valentines day. I AM THE BEST AT ROMANCE. LOVE ME.
After sending me a dick pic, he asked, "yay or nay?"
Someone somewhere has a picture of me vomiting in a bus stop trash can while a drag queen held my hair for me.
Pride claims another victim
As a rule...I don't sleep with my friends or watch movies with talking dogs
she keeps trying to brush her hair with leaves and insisting she's not high
I love friends. Friendship is wonderful. I wish the rain was my friend
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