Wedsnesdays are always enlightening. Tonights revealation: One should not smoke from something taller than their person.
Remember that time we were in the handicap bathroom snorting Molly at the stripclub. That was a defining moment in our friendship
I've been drunk in my life. But I've never been "crying in 5 Guys at 1 in the afternoon" drunk
I like to balance the number of cups of coffee to bong rips in the morning before work.
I'm so high I would give anything in the world to be inside my lava lamp right now
All those movies are bullshit, there is no way to run down a line of parked cars, they`re too far apart. my faces hurts so much right now
It was awk he was sittin on a plastic backyard chair in his underwear and high white socks in the dark watching the nuggets game
So, my ex just showed me the drunk voicemail we left him last night. Started out with me saying "I think it's Shane." Then you took my phone and started singing a song about peanut butter, train tracks, and tequila. I joined in. On the upside, he said he's totally fine with being on the drunk dial list from now on. Soooo, another tequila night??
Company sent me first class out of state, got so drunk on the plane I started handing out pillows and blankets to the people in coach
She just sent me a message. It's a poem, about eternal love, that she wrote, about us. Just because I took her home two nights - doesn't mean it's eternal love.
I chatted up the pastor's son on Grindr during the service. Still ridiculing my decision to go to church this morning?
I bet you there is porn for people who get off on someone rubbing Chipotle on themselves
I think I just got buffalo sauce on my penis. Is that a turn on or off?
The waitress at the Denny's in usa remembered me from 2 years ago when we went at 4 in the morning plastered, wearing overalls and huge inflatable corona hats on our heads
you know you should be lucky to find the case to my dildo....that means no more random guys at the house!
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