I'll just stay a virgin forever then
You still have to go anyway
Then I guess I'll have to start sleeping around
Dude I just heard my boss singing from the bathroom "I love making poop"
I cut my penus on the lid.
I'm sorry but all I really read was "my nipples will get hard."
happy birthday! Any relationship between us is now officially illegal.
The last thing I remember is him grabbing my ass and telling me he knew where the jello shots were, so I followed him.
He is making me drink his THC water out of a milk jug.
Not only have I fallen off the wagon, it ran me over and just kept going...
the bar didnt serve shots so jim ordered us jaeger neat. it worked.
I sang him a lovely rendition of 'So Long and Thanks For All the Fish", but replaced fish with dick.
He had all the grace of a fucking hippo and the emotional control of a five year old
I had sex with him and I blame the Doritos
It's really hard to masturbate now that I live with girls who actually function before 11 am.
My girl friends dad just asked how I get so drunk and then he passed out with a bloody Mary in his hand on the couch it's 230 do you know where your parents are
You know it's a good May 2-4 when it involves 14 straight hours of vodka slush and garlic bread
Randomize
