Uggggg i want to leave and get bombed over baghdad
I woke up hungover and reached for a glass of water only to realize too late that it was vodka sprite with my splooge in it.
I wish I had a waterproof laptop so that I would watch porn in the shower.
I'm gonna vom. In the dentist chair. Who makes a dentist appt for July fucking 5th.
I have to verbally tell you. He looks good on paper...but he totally fails in person. Like communism.
This freshman just ran out of her seat in a 200 person lecture, opened the emergency door and vommed everywhere. Then quietly went back to her seat. $2 Pitchers hit someone hard last night.
Already puke and ralleyd and dressed like a bear.
please dont let the old guy in the wheelchair see you when you wake up
Great I'll forever be branded as gym slut at the new gym.
God fucking bless the man who invented the vibrator. Bless him and all his descendants. I think I saw the face of God tonight
You wrote me a check. For zero dollars. For my soul. Dick.
We fucked so hard and loud that the everyone at the party downstairs starting chanting his name. Oh I we broke a lamp.
There was a deer right in front of me when I came. Sex in the forest is awesome
No you just wanted to pass out in your hallway because your room was too far away
Finally got with the virgin.
Yeah? Howd that go?
As soon as I got it all the way in, I looked deep into her eyes and said "your soul is mine" in the deepest voice I could make. She was not amused.
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