Do you know that poor pathetic girl that we should be friends with
You can bone my sister, but I will end our friendship if you write 'LOLERS' one more time at the end of your texts.
i just spent the last half hour thinking about my totally irrational and intense hatred of wedge flip flops.
bitch asked me if i cared if she kept her snuggie on while we had sex
im laying here in the parking lot drinking a warm coke, prob still drunk, feeling like i need to apologize to everyone i know
Given my current decline of critical thinking and capacity for speech it's probably best u call the cops
Sorority life is like alcoholic girl scouts, plus douchebags in polos.
I just recognized Courtney in a crowded Trader Joe's solely by seeing her ass. In other news, I survived the first round of layoffs today.
I'm not sure which feat is more impressive...
I feel like a color. Like a wavy color
Well... I got her number now... I think she is a dish best served drunk
I think pants incapable of making pants work
Did you leave a mouse under my pillow again?
I got sprayed in the face with titty milk and I'm still so traumatized
Also, if you don't fuck me soon, I will die. I don't want to die like that.
As soon as you told us you were an ostrich with a big penis, we began to wonder what you were on and if you wanted to share.
Randomize
