her name is jenna, so i wanna cunt punt her
that's how i am about ashleys and britneys
I sharted in my sleep... I didnt even think that was possible.
i am about to cut my stepbrother's hair into a mohawk with the same clippers i use to trim my pubes. god is so on my side today.
I love the moment a guy admits defeat against the front clasping bra.
woke up this morning with a fat chick but she went downstairs and made pancakes without saying a word.
Guess which guy you've blown just made me sandwich at subway?
I spiked my fruit smoothie. Taking bikini season diet to a whole new level
Theres a guy in your room wearing a franzi box costume and some girl is in the box giving him head.
She's currently upstairs fucking her boyfriend while I am downstairs making them a sex playlist watching her boyfriend's Weiner dog and large Boxer try and mount each other. Marvin Gaye is playing. This is the ultimate third wheel fail.
You know what I realized today? That my biggest regret of freshman year was ditching you and that foam party to have a one night stand with a skinny jean wearing vocal major.
I am concerned for your priorities but also really flattered. Flattery wins
On the upside, no one went to the hospital! Lex's friend was definitely on fire at one point last night though because he tried to juggle tiki torches. He was shirtless this morning and smelled like a BBQ.
Every time I started to really hate the guys on tinder, the universe throws me a muscly beardy bone.
I think I just got booty called by someone I've never slept with or even really had a conversation with before.
my vagina can't handle any more of our 4 day long smash bash. it should be like a holiday or something. should only happen once a year.
i woke up this morning from the best one night stand. i made the guy mickey mouse pancakes for breakfast and when i walked back into the bedroom he said "marry me"
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