I puked last after eating a volcano taco and drinking vodka. I felt like a fucking dragon.
I want to get laid tonight but my sheets haven't been washed since vomiting in them on Halloween :(
No, dude. Even Jesus hates Creed.
explain the missing patches of hair on my cat. now.
He told me that if his bed could talk, it'd write a medical journal. Guess it's too late to worry about that now.
In chronological order you drank, sang, smoked, napped, threw up, cried, laughed, described your pubic area, passed out. You have abused the privilege to use me as your D.D.
This is your monthly public service announcement that sexual services will temporarily cease from Wednesday night to Monday. Please plan accordingly and have a nice day =D
The birthday girl is bringing her own barf bucket, it is going to be a good weekend.
I was originally going to go as fembot from Austin Powers
I wanted to have tiny guns for tits
DROP EVERYTHING! Gatta go get tested for herpes, lets make an adventure out of it.
sex in a hospital.. check
The bump on my forehead, i think, was from falling asleep at front door, on my knees, slumped over. But we played good music so what?
I used to sleep with a guy on the USA rugby team... He stole my credit card and my Hitman DVD. I'm more upset about the Hitman DVD..
whatever, tonight I’ll be getting my ass eaten by an aussie so we good
Dude she is fucking shit up. Her baby would be proud
Randomize
