After they won there was a guy outside Magee Hospital yelling "name your kid Sidney"... that guy may or may not have been me.
Pish posh, there's never a bad time to eat food off my body.
I think you blew our chances when you yelled "YOU SLUTS COMING TO THE TITTIE BAR?" in their face
He just told me that when we were doing it I told him I was the captain and he was the boat. Im too embarassed to ask for money for a cab.
I'm just gonna plan on never getting a bf. everything I touch turns to gay
Your boobs are like a big quesadilla marker
Sweating vodka and spray tan, I feel like a trophy wife.
I just spent 20 mins in the shower washing n rewashing my body to get rid of stripper. I even loofa'd my face.
You would be so proud at how green we're being. Re-using last night's jello shot containers.. saving the world one step at a time
We watched game of thrones, broke up and I drove away blasting ridin solo while he dougied
She sent me a pic wearing only my batman cape. She stole my cape dude!
Showing girls my stab wound was not the brilliant idea I thought it was.
No clue what you did last night, sorry. You did hand me a pizza and a mason jar with $1200 in small bills in it when I let you in though.
Tonight is an "I'm lonely and single so I'm going to curl up in a warm, melatonin and vodka enriched ball in the corner of my bed with a cat." kind of night.
The one time I decide to bring people over you are laying naked on the coffee table watching the ceiling fan cause "it just moves so fast" I'm guessing you got paid today??
Randomize
