I'm at breakfast still drunk holding a blow up parrot
Do you remember last night at all? Be honest
I need to look at the pictures on my camera to fill in the gaps.
I don't know if you realize how depressing it is to get your card denied....when you're only spending $4.
Nothing good has ever or will ever come from 50 cent beers at the bowling alley..
the awesomeness of being snowed in wore off after we ran out of beer and we realized we really didnt want to be stuck with everyone.
He told me I had nice tits + they have a great shape. + then proceeded to flatten my boob + show me what the gross tits he's seen look like.
Your cat is quite the conversationalist after some tequila and shrooms
Woke up in my underwear and Christmas sweater. Only. Eggnog has won the battle but not the war.
just filed my taxes drunk as balls. i may be going to jail.
WTF YOU SHOULDNT BREAK A SWEAT TAKING A SHIT. MY BODY HATES ME.
Last night we got home from the bar and saw a fox outside and we lured it in the house with a piece of cheese. Just wanted to party with some potentially dangerous wildlife I guess.
I don't want random pictures of your morning wood. It's like, what a glorious morning oh a penis.
The UTI came back with a vengeance.
Stop talking and go back to bed. You're in the kitchen in your underwear and slept in your car.
Is it just me or did we have a heart to heart talk while you were naked last night?
Randomize
