So she couldn't stop dragging her teeth while she was blowing me.
Ahh dude, that fucking sucks, what'd you do about it?
Decided to drag my teeth while eating her out... She got the point.
as soon as you compare a person to an animal, all sexual interest is out the window
What kind of friend are you? You don't even blackout anymore.
just opened a can of spagetti o's with a butter knife. the things u will do for food when ur stoned.
I finally had sex with him last night, but we used a condom so it doesn't add to my number of sexual partners.
he's measuring my pool to see how much jello powder he needs. He got paid today.
Also, I think I'm too drunk to be at the gym right now. But how sober do you need to be for IM volleyball?
Just make sure my intervention has a theme...
I lost half a toenail and didn't realize it. Bloody shoe shoulda been a clue.
Drunk logic "let's go outside in front of the bar to get sick"
Would it be weird to bake him a cake that says "sorry I peed on your bed"?
So? Find me, fuck me, then you can go to sleep and I'll leave.
Wow. That's the most amazing thing anyone has ever said to me.
my nurturing instincts told me to take his clothes off
If we were unicorns we would fly together. Like in a pack. A pack of flying unicorns
you were peeing in her backyard and some dude came outside and looked at you and was like "thats not a pee spot" and you said "well it is now" then i joined you. Forever poppin squats <3
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