Firetruck pulls up, fireman jumps out n knocks on my door, asks "do you know where Johnny lives?"
ENDLESS SCROLLING ON TUMBLR WAS MADE FOR HIGH PEOPLE!
they told me they were banning four lokos so yeah i did have to buy 42 of them
Every time she shows up on my newsfeed, I get the taste of tequila in my mouth.
he locked me out then poked me with a fork when i tried to get in through the window
Tonight, a friend walked in and said "oh look at that. Drunk on the living room floor. Just as expected." this is my life. This is my life.
Did the vodka turn my hair yellow or did something else happen last night?
Don't judge them too harshly for getting kicked out of a strip club. Happens to the best of us.
You are the coolest girlfriend ever.
That's how I like my men: traumatized and crying in a ball
btw you left your chapstick on the nightstand and bruises on my body...
gifts from me to you. you're welcome.
Oh I'm definitely going to hit on her, there's no question about that. What I meant by playing it cool is I'm not going to mount her on sight.
debating what would be more effort, turning on to my other side or trying to get myself off with my left hand. that kind of lazy day.
Please tell me that all of the things I remember doing last night didn't really happen. Please.
I will be the DD but everyone has to call me Mistress
I can't be held responsible for another man's penis.
Randomize
