you were so high you spent the rest of the night smelling pepper to prove you can sneeze with your eyes open
stranger just walked up to the fridge at the party, took the hawaiin punch out, drank it straight from the bottle, looked at everyone who stared in awe and said "im fucking thirsty" and put it back.
He doesn't need a wingman, he needs a miracle
Dude, you walked in on me 5 times each times you had a different person with you. And each time you lifted the covers up and said 'whats going on in here'
Well the "Blackout with your sack out" party turned out predictably.
I'm at some strange place in what feels like Mexico, high and getting tacos.
They should really start adding the average cost of day drinking to our cost analysis sheets. Does FAFSA cover this? No. It doesn't.
Everybody shut up a minute, we need to discuss how much nicer the world would be if pants weren't a thing.
Remember that time you gave me a fat lip with your vag? We should do that again!
I am walking funny today. And it's sad because it's from the bad encounter with the sidewalk rather than a good encounter with a stripper
Officially crunch time. It's my last year of grad school and I've yet to get blown in a school library. The parking garage was less than a block away though.
So the doorbell rang while we were banging, and I'm pretty sure the pizza man saw my dick. But hey, we got pizza.
I SHOULD NOT BE HAVING AN EXISTENTIAL CRISIS OVER PIZZA
rock bottom is drinking straight vodka from a protein shaker, singing one direction and crying alone in your room. exams.
I wrote myself a note last night telling me to tell you that you're the best person ever, and asking you not to tell me what I did, I think I'm trusting my drunk judgment on that one.
Randomize
