Is Jonathan Taylor Thomas a gay? I need you to google search it for me. Its important
Ah I wish I was there to nurse you then clean up your piss-filled water bottles
for some reason the bedside piss missed the water bottle today
This guy at the party just introduced himself to me as "the guy who sat behind you on a plane last year"
Thru out the entire phone conversation I went from thinking: he's making a gay come-on, to he's trying to sell me drugs, before realizing he was offering me a job with an internet company. Things are gonna be awkward in class this week.
You passed out while holding my hair during a blow job.. i think your gona have to earn back blow jobs
We're going to catch a squirrel this summer
You gotta hand it to him. 6 hours in a new town and he's already fuck someone, had his ass kick by her bf, and rounded up a posse of people to kick this guys ass.
The cops just came to this party I'm at and ate all of our snacks
Dude just crushed our bbq lays and told us to quiet down
if i do community service solely to impress a guy, everyone wins, right?
except your soul
You're still my best friend even though you continue to pass out on random toilets every time you drink
I appreciate the I'll come bail you out of jail tone in the text
I just sat on the floor of my shower for 20 minutes to punish myself for drunk me's decisions.
If me saying "come f***k me now" is talking, then yes.
Maybe if you would fuck your boss you would get string cheese too
The last time we went to a costume party, you walked around in a loincloth with a cross and said you were Jesus. I'm eager to see how much more offensive you can be.
Randomize
