Your face is a jimmy john
i was just lookin through my fb pics and i think im with a cat in like 40% of them..: how sad is my life
I admire the strength of friendship we have that allows for sharing husbands.
seems the shocker is way more shocking if u get the fingers wrong
My cat puked at the same time as me. Makes me feel better about myself, except he can stand and I can't.
I walked into his room and he was naked with a half eaten pecan pie and a bottle of wine.
I don't think he realizes it but he was stroking the faucet while he was talking to me.
she puked as i came inside her. that has to mean something.
I have reverted to folding laundry while watching porn. how much sadder can my life get?
I didn't pay $79 for lingerie for you to cum in 30 seconds
Holy shit last night was like the irresponsible Olympics for me
He once bought a dildo and put fifty dollars and a happy anniversary note in the battery compartment I gotta lock him down while hes available
I made a bucket list last night. Number 5: Will marry a wizard.
I CAN SEE SO MANY PENISES. There are so many visible penises here.
Where are you???
Yoga class :(
And I broke things off with Justin last night. Except I texted him while he was asleep and then I was like well, that's probably not what he wants to wake up to, so I sent him a picture of the coconut I microwaved and caught on fire when I was really high one time.
Randomize
