Ugh now I'll have to carry around an overnight bag to all the bars I visit tonight. but hey! maybe I'll meet a dude! And need it!
The university put out a message about those missing salt and pepper shakers... You should at least give back 60 of them.
drunk me is my new role model. he's fearless. like not even afraid of tornadoes.
Did i throw a brick at someone last night?
My gynecologist just commented on how well my vagina was waxed
I'd like to say he was whispering sweet nothings into my ear all night but really he was just whispering "pussyyy"
Well, I just watched him puke into his pitcher at the bar, I doubt he cares about anything other than the fact that he needs a new beer.
I'm more concerned with the fact that he was UNconcerned that live poultry could peck him in the nutsack @ any moment of sex
Please. That's just a patriotism boner. I watched Michael phelps win another medal and had to change my underwear.
I'm drunk off vodka and I haven't eaten today. I've never felt more like Kirsten Cohen in my life.
I paid off a credit card today. And I was tested negative for HIV. AND I did laundry. Honestly, I'm most excited about the laundry.
if the furniture in my bedroom wasn't shape shifting... this would be a different story.
The waitress at the airport bar just asked me if I wanted a "to go" beer, hahahahaha OF COURSE I WANT A TO GO BEER.
sorry for any reference made toward your boobs or making you feel pregnant or incapable of peeing. make it a wonderful day.
Did I turn a man straight...??
Yes!
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