also, i may or may not be wearing a cape right now. hint: i am.
It's not littering; it's giving birds nest building suplies. Besides, birds love soy sauce and plastic forks.
Say something about gay babies.
he took off my shirt and said 'oh my god the legends are true'
Yep just saw a license plate that read "taint 2" which implies there is a "taint 1". Only in Florida
i got iced as i was inside of her. i fucking hate my friends
She roared AMY HORNEY and hulk hoganed her shirt off. Fuckin marriage time bro
You stole a fry from a complete stranger. He wasn't happy. Then you said fuck it and stole the whole poutine and ran down the street while he stared in shock.
I can say with 87% certainty that i received one of the world's five greatest blow jobs since the Coolidge administration on Saturday night.
anyone who texts me today gets a complimentary picture of my mangled foot. starting with you.
ewwwww wtf when you left last night you were fine?
all we have is white fucking wine this is a travesty it's christmas not a fucking funeral
I woke up naked with a $20 bill taped to my titty, so I must of had fun.
... and smoked a joint with my new landlord. I'm starting to like Germany.
got a free grilled cheese. Didn't even have to talk about Jesus
I possibly am a tad bit not really but maybe slightly intoxicated.
Randomize
