Dude, I just rear-ended a cab
Are you drunk?
A little...yes
Run!
Terrible brother advice.
id fuck shawn from boy meets world only if we could name the baby topanga.
I brought my laptop into the bathroom so I can facebook while vomiting. New low?
i just watched my husband get a prostate exam. sex is ruined for me.
She was so wet my fingers were literally pruney when I got done with her
just fucked my old babysitter, gotta love block parties
I enjoyed our heart to heart in the trunk on the way to the stripclub
Tonight that bitch will not be with him. You will drunkingly talk him out of this wedding. It is your duty as the one with the least amount of soul. Good luck.
My bruised ribs were so worth that win in beer pong
I'm doing the Macarena naked in my living room right now
I see you're taking unemployment seriously.
He's tweaking out . If he's on fucking bathsalts and eats my face like a chalupa pull the plug. I don't want to live with no fucking face. Pull. The. Plug.
BTW, Julia referred to you as a power bottom. Are you available?
Well, that's not my fault. I make decisions all the time when I'm drunk.
So were driving two hours to go to a club and Charles packed me a sippy cup full of tequila. He thinks of everything!
Unless my dick prospects improve this year’s Halloween costume will include panties with “DTF” written on them and a push up bra
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