Awkward is getting caught beating off in the company bathroom...
People are handing out olympic condoms downtown, just put it on and it broke, this is how there trying to raise the population. Very sneaky canadian government, very sneaky
I love how kegs are figured into our monthly bills
drunkie insisted on stuffing the rest of his scrambled eggs in his pockets before we left ihop. we really should have left a better tip
I wanna get shitfaced and yell about Tim tebow
You almost set me on fire last night.
You probably deserved it.
So we played the stone cold theme song and continued to chug 2 beers at once and everyone just looked in shock
I cNt phones. tingles in my fingles. jingles
ok. i'm ready for you to come back and test the structural integrity of this futon.
Nope. I've found you care about two things in life: your momma and spreading your seed.
I know it sounds all cute and shit that I wanted him to be with me last night, but it's not cute. I just wanted to fuck.
Sitting in my car feasting on the spoils of Taco Bell as Donna Lewis croons "I love you, always forever." A more perfect moment will never exist.
I told him I wish we were at my house cause then I could tell him to get out after we had sex.
After finding out he was married when we were together, I don't trust him.
i was so blazed last night that i kept imagining a talking eagle sitting next to me encouraging me to smoke more... i listened to it.
Randomize
