people and things i regret. that's what i want to do tonight.
i wonder if she has dreads down there too...
never try to heat up a hot pocket in the dryer if ur microwave breaks...bad idea.
I just spent all my babysitting money on red cups and beer.
People still let you watch their kids?
He asked me where I wanted it. I told him in the condom. He stops mid thrust and says "you're no fun" and then blew. Chivalry is semi dead.
Driving by his house every hour is not stalking, it's a reconnaissance mission... How else can I confront him
Dude I'm about to just roll over and piss off the side of my bed, rather than make the conscious effort to get up and walk to the bathroom. One of those hangovers.
My vag hurts but I feel vindicated
That is an interesting emotion combo
That was the night I passed out and someone threw chicken at me. SORRY I wasn't available to cockblock you from that Hispanic dude.
I have an interview tomorrow and listed you as a reference. If they call you, please don't tell them about the time I smuggled a Chalupa out of Taco Bell in my underwear.
Ah, but I don't wear underwear. Every day is Commando Wednesday.
Googling enemas while I get a pedicure ... My life in one senence
I slept like a rock because of your dick. I'll thank him personally later.
Would an open wound count as good sex or bad sex?
at the hospital. Kevin drank straight from the river
Randomize
