It was like a drunk episode of Dora the Explorer. In English.
You were in the bathroom for two hours practicing "Revenge Faces".
He said he's was gunna give me some pain meds. I'm not sure what they are but I just gave him a thumbs up
I can't believe im sexting my roommate. This is really what my life has come to
Can we end it on a good note at least? Can we fuck and then never talk again?
I no longer see him as a simple set of male genitalia attached to a very sexy body. The title "trophy fuck" seems wrong. Damn.
Congrats. You are not detrimental enough to my psyche to be discussed during this mornings therapy appointment. Please follow up next week to see if you made the cut.
1st rule of birth control pills: do not stop taking birth control pills. 2nd rule of birth control pills: do NOT STOP taking birth control pills.
I just coughed and my vagina hurt. We need to hook up more.
We need a shit load of segways right now
I ripped off the screen and literally supermaned through my bedroom window. That wasted
Who knew sons of strippers would be really feminist boyfriends?
Now after not puking, next step is not to do the accent when immigration says "hello."
Your dick is the only reason I have motivation to come back to school today
My Mini-Van Handjob Milf is leaving the company. I need to find a new job. I can’t handle this place without those handjobs
Randomize
