YOu come back ASAP and we will do whatever you want baby
the next pure michigan commercial i see, i am going to pee in a fucking lake
What part of "waking up in the crawl space of my house with a raccoon" sounds like a good night to you?
just won a stolen shopping cart in a dance off in a parking lot.
If they made snuggies with a sleeve for my morning wood, id consider buying one...
Your 'drink of the future' makes sense now- you feel it for atleast 10 hours into the future
Yes I hit her with my car. Yes I gave her a ride home. And yes she gave me her number. What's the problem?
They let me close the tennis center alone. It's a 6-minute drive from 2 of my booty calls. Scratch tennis court bj off the bucket list.
Cops just came and got two guys out of my class. I can't do college. Seriously cannot rage at this school anymore.
Drunk girl in a bikini just tried to bite my face, it's officially spring break
the conference was great. we had to hide the acid in a planter in front of the department of agriculture though
I'm not sure how to explain it, but I feel like our penises have a connection. Like long lost brothers. We're not even gay.
He came home at 2 AM on roller skates with his hair dyed pink while singing "Sweet Transvestite" and throwing glitter on all of us and everything we own. We had to call a cleaning guy.
I just woke up butt-naked in bed with a guy I've never seen..I reached into my bag next to the bed to get my phone and found a bag of shrooms, a handle of vodka, and 600 dollars that I've never seen. what do I do
enjoy it.
I was writing 'DISTRACTION' across my chest in Sharpie when my boob fell out. Right on camera.
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