the bitch is dead man
YOUR DOG DIED?
no i meant my mom has passed out .. so i'll be over soon.
Stephanie. Problem. I think if I had met Murphy before Ben I would have fucked him instead.
Don't worry about your Murphy feelings. I may have fucked him no matter what.
We succumbed to passion, and then he had to go meet his girlfriend. End of story.
as veruca salt said, "i want it now!"
uhh im not your indulgent father, stoned and im in the middle of making tacos. right now, tacos win
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Whatever. I indirectly made you cum overseas. Call it even.
he handed me my panties in front of my date. turns out he wasn't that mad.
And on that day, Satan said; "Let there be the friend zone and let us get fucking high." while Jesus silently cried in the background.
I just put fruit snacks in my sangria instead of real fruit. Its like freshman year all over again..
We couldn't afford sangria freshman year. We're lucky we had fruit snacks..
PUB CRAWL IS THE WEEK I COME BACK FROM NOLA OMG OMG OMG. Has it been a year already since I tried to make out with you and you let a bar tender take a shot out of your cleavage? Time flies.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
i ended up making out with my new neighbor in a stranger's car that we found unlocked on a driveway somewhere. apparently drunk self never say "no" to adventure.
Never let me go online shopping while drunk. I now own 2 baby cribs. I have no children
I'm sorry you're hurting. Would a picture or my erect penis help?
My mom's yelling at me for being a whore and my dad's quizzing me on how to drive in winter weather....I'm home!
She made me baby bird juul smoke to her while we were fucking
The night went downhill somewhere between the time I was triple fisting smirnoff and when I was throwing up in the yard in nothing but my bra while he talk to me about mashed potatoes
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