I tried to use my car keys to open my door
I just started a sentence with yellow.
They had an entire room dedicated to passed out people. It was like a dogpile of cross faded toddlers drooling on each other.
I recommend just blowing him. It's always the way to go.
He needs a high five right to the fucking mouth. With a chair. Or an atomic bomb.
it wasnt a pity fuck per say. i wasnt attracted to her, but still thought 'that looks like a fun ride'
There is a pile of hair outside the apartment next door. At least now I know what all that shouting was about last night.
You asked me if you could throw up in my shoe.
What's the procedure for answering a booty call from someone under house arrest?
I didn't even know this guy existed until he'd had his hands down my pants, so I just went with it.
I just spent 5 minutes saying how beautiful you are and you come back with dont get fat cause you have weird nipples.
Why are we so great
Like I'm def going to a therapist but I wouldn't change a thing about us except maybe the peeing
I'm thinking my boss switched to all cordless keyboards and mouses so that none of us would hang ourselves in the office.
I'm just glad I met someone who probably won't punch you in the face
Currently tripping balls and watching Pink Floyd the wall and I'm crying during it. If this isn't a self realization then I don't know what to tell you.
Need ride home. Girls. Stolen keg. Rolling down streets. Horny girls. No condoms. Rescue needed. girls and beer in exchange for rescue and bacon?
I. Hate. You. Where are you, are said girls cute, and how did you know I bought bacon? And how does this always happen to you?
Smarter than the average bear
Randomize
