he was on top of me and all of a sudden stopped and starting picking his nose...i asked him if he was okay, he sort of looked confused, and he told me he had a booger that hurt. guess its a good thing i wasnt planning on dating this guy
Why is there a shirtless guy in Walgreens and why is he probably looking for the same thing I am?
I swear 95% of pictures on my phone are from drunken nights I don't remember with me doing a peace sign alone in somebody's bedroom.
You'd be surprised how many calories hedonism burns.
Just passed the animal clinic parking lot I had to pull over to puke in during welcome week. I can almost hear the dogs barking at my shame again.
I decided to have a date tonight. Back on horse I go. Or aiming to be on a horse cock one day. You know. However that metaphor goes.
Have you ever thrown up in the middle of your hair appointment? Cause I have..
You have not lived until you've slid down a waterfall fucked out of your mind. Fact.
You were crying hysterically
So that's why my heels were in the oven...
We are best friends because we can vomit simultaneously in the same toilet and not care
Your heart isn't making stupid decisions... your penis is outsmarting your brain. Stop fucking her!
im on a boat
How did you get this number?
Tequila. The ruiner of all good intentions.
I think it’s appropriate to celebrate the start of mother’s day at the bar with the men that almost made me a mother
might I remind you I fucked a 21 year old and almost did coke with strangers? you definitely came out on top
Randomize
