did i leave my keys in your car? BTW: sorry for throwing that drink on your date.
The cops found weed in michael jacksons house today...it makes up for the child molesting, I like him more now.
There is a mermaid on oprah and she looks nothin like ariel
so apparently dipping a tampon in red gatorade and throwing it out the window on the highway is a $100 fine
These fall allergies are really hindering my cocaine habit.
So many people have lost their virginity on my futon... I think it is only the right thing to bronze it and put it on display
He yelled out my full name in bed...I felt like I was being scolded.
According to FB I fucked in a field 365 days ago.
K, so let's go ahead and say that mcnugget and margarita Tuesday was a bad idea
I learned something last night. Strippers can be on house arrest?
I stuck my fake eyelashes to his balls after he passed out.
I'm pretty sure you and I ate the entire Keebler elf weed workshop
I asked him to sing a song so he couldn't hear me throwing up as he was holding my hair
So I missed the eclipse because I was masturbating.
She started crying because the Rugrats grew up
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