ps i may or may not be wearing a sequined bra
there are so many fish in the see you have left to fuck
Woke up chewing my pillow from a dream where I was scarfing Cajun pasta from TGI Friday's. That's a new level of fat, even for us
At the party. I feel like I just walked into a lifesize blunt.
P.s. remind me to tell you about the porno that Paul envisioned starring you. It's wizard of oz themed.
Whatever. I hate you. My vagina hates you. I hope a bird shits on your head today.
This wouldn't be the first time my boss has seen me topless
Still, being medically ordered to stuff things in your vagina is amazing.
Hey so I got my period
Thank god I wasn't ready to deal with sober you for 9 months
why do i have a pole dance champion shot glass?
I melted cheese on my pizza rolls. When I die make sure someone melts cheese on my rolls.
One day he'll find out I do drugs and stop talking to me.
What will you do then?
Drugs, probably.
Yup we found her. The bouncer was carrying her out
Do you just want me to shit in a Jack-o-latern
You spent twenty minutes waxing poetic about her ass and her thighs
Randomize
