there is a polo shirt epidemic at this bar. also, im pretty sure i just saw the grown-up coppertone baby
he said i was chugging vodka in the parking lot, gave my # to a married man, started a food fight, and passed out at the bar. how could he NOT consider that a good first date???
I'm taking last night back. It officially didn't happen. Tell your friends.
i'm taking a spore imprint of the mushroom we found growing in our bathroom and sending a picture to ryan. he will then be able to tell if it's trip-worthy
THE ALMIGHTY HAS FALLEN DRUNKENLY OFF HIS HIGH HORSE AND INTO HOLLY'S VAGINA
Is there a word in the English dictionary for impressed, yet disgusted?
I think the word you're looking for is flabbergasted.
I just let my boss bend me over his desk and spank me. I think that is some sort of American dream.
Naked and Afraid: Hangover edition
I just realized that you're going to be drunk for daylight savings time again. Godspeed.
Christ I forgot how flexible you need to be for a decent sext pic. Jesus.
Is it okay to mention my ambition to become a supervillian and kill all humans on a first date, or is that a second date discussion?
I'm trying to fuck him and feed him. I don't understand why it isn't working.
So I scratched the whole boyfriend plan and got wasted. Wanna try again tomorrow?
I just talked with someone about real estate trends in Atlanta then got three blowjobs in a row. Boom.
I learned three things this morning. Don't get out of my car without my keys, don't let a girl paint my nail unless I'm getting laid by said girl, and lastly I learned how to break into my own car.
Randomize
