I can only masturbate in one position. It's very inconvenient.
I realized tonight the smell of my dirty pads remind me of my grandfather.
you mean i was at the winter classic?
Just farted cum and thought I shit myself. Crisis averted tho
you know that dress I got margarita and puke on? yeah, just returned it.
Ya after that i took a dump on a car... We're definitely partying with him again
it was like getting a handjob from robocop
ok, she started talking about how she swears her step dad killed her mom. starting to back out of this one
He ended up letting us go, I think he just felt sorry for us. It's the only time that my night's gotten worse after I've taken my pants off.
Cops just came and got two guys out of my class. I can't do college. Seriously cannot rage at this school anymore.
pain. pain everywhere. this is why throwing yourself at concrete is a bad idea.
You kept yelling in my face " YOU'RE GONNA HAVE TO SUCK A DICK TONIGHT!"
Aka reading hardcore gay robot porn as a steady trickle of elementary schoolers walk by me every so often and im still in uniform as there councilor
Who is also still dressed up as a pirate
Spent the majority of my senior year drunk. Graduate of 2011, I think 2011. Probably.
My walk of shame wasn't complete until I projectile vomited clutching my truck bumper while he just smiled with that look of regret.
Randomize
