i just woke up and "where the fuck is taco bell" was in my search engine...
suddenly SuperBad didn't seem so funny anymore...she did have her period on my leg.
that knocking you heard last night......that was her head slowly going through the wall
Was I wearing clothes when I handed you your keys. Please tell me I was wearing clothes.
GET THE DICK OUT OF YOUR MOUTH AND CHECK FACEBOOK.
He asked me where I wanted it. I told him in the condom. He stops mid thrust and says "you're no fun" and then blew. Chivalry is semi dead.
Sorry I kept grabbing your vagina at the casino. I believed it was my lucky unicorn to win bonuses
Question: would asking the hot guy from the grocery store to "beer me" his number be a poor decision?
Because selling drugs to kids never goes out of business. We get older, they stay the same stupid.
Passed out drunk in a tanning bed...
Did At The Beach call the fire department to get you like last time?
When you turn your data bak on you're gonna get a pic of a nipple but it's not mine
He laid on the ground 100 ft from the car crying about how he just wanted to be home already
I have vodka and 50 pizza rolls best spring break ever
its the 14th virginity that counts the most anayways
It true. It written in the Bible.
Yes I remember that, right next to the passage where jesus said unto his disciples, pop molly, fuck bitches amen
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