i'm eating jello out of a teacup with a fork. awesome?
The last thing I remember is you asking me how to grow french fries.
I see you felt the need to carve your name in my kitchen table. thanks
I just realized that my phone was set to Brazilian time...what the fuck happened last night
All I remember is running out of the bathroom with one shoe on and the other in my hand. Pretty sure I was yelling as well.
Oh yes. Made out with a grandmother..... she had fake boobs and it was 330am. That makes it okay.
Mardi gras at its finest.
I'm hungover as hell. I'm dying. I have no skin left on my knees
I had very briefly met him a few years ago. My friend was tired of hearing us both complain about being horny. She figured she would fuck two birds with one stone.
Mom called last night while I was at the bar and asked where I was. I told her I was on the highway to the danger zone while the guys were humming the top gun theme.
I'm not sure when I will get off this toilet at work but it's not looking promising
How likely is it that we can see each other tomorrow night? I want to shave my legs in good faith but it's cold outside and my bathroom is drafty.
Hold on, I'm taking nudes in a blanket fort right now
My makeup bag looks like it has lips and wants to sing to me... Too high?
Let's say we can see the evolution of our "relation" by his name in my phone. Pizza slice emoticone. Pizza guy. Jordan. Jo. Jackhammer Pizza Guy. Jockhammer pizza guy.
That Spanish guy who looks like Ben Affleck from that club we went to 3 weeks ago is still texting me.. He clearly doesn't remember what I look like.
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