First rule of pills: If you can't remember what it is, take half.
What happened?....
He lifted up the blanket, and whispered "Don't do it" to his sperm....
Im sorry for drunkenly throwing your phone into the ocean. At the time it seemed like a good way for you not to text him
We still on for coffee?
Cream and sugar. Deliver to planned parenthood in 45.
I'm just learned what a rim job is, I feel like crying
Juss got out of jail; shes still in there tryin to sing her abc's backwards bc the cops neva asked her too... Whebever she gets to t she starts singin the tequilla song
I have the WORST cramps EVER. I think this is gods way of saying 'you're welcome, last warning. stop being a slut.'
He caught a cramp during sex and I was like "do you want me to get you a banana?" And he responded with "I'll give you a banana" and kept going. I'm marrying him.
Can't tell if waking up covered in easy mac is the sign of an amazing or terrible night
You're not gonna like every guy whose dick I put in my mouth
You don't get to call me bro after you've had your dick in me.
That awkward moment when the guy you were hitting on at the bar last night is a possible suspect in a murder case.
I just dropped a chicken nugget on the floor and seriously prayed that it would be ok....I think this job is making me crazy.
it was like 6 shots in and he was automatically my type
Sorry, Geoff can’t come to his phone right now. He’s outside trying to show his dick to a bachelorette party bus with “DTF” written on the windows
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