we'll penetrate his innocence with our dicks
A relator touring our house this week saw the picture in our bathroom of steven passed out, yellow faced, with BALLS on his forehead, and had to ask "if that kid was alive or dead".
Woke up on the floor holding a sandwich. Shots. Never again.
Said he made a playlist for taking a shit. only two songs on it are the Star Wars theme and "America, fuck yeah" set to repeat.
shattered his nose in 8 pieces. Blaming it on the dog. I feel more guilty about ruining the dog's good name than I do about ruining his nose.
hand shaped bruises on both boobs again....i wish i could say this is the first time.
I went to grab his drink and my hand grazed his dick. It was magical.
Driving a mountain pass in the middle of a blizzard with the worst vodka gummybear hangover ever is gods way of telling me to keep the black-outing within a 15 mile radius to my house.
No we just stood in the kitchen and laughed for 2 hours about how funny the popcorn noise was.
I mean of all the things to be cockblocked by, Taco Bell is pretty high on the list
I've just had my first cup of coffee in a month and I moaned at the first drink and honestly I think this is the most sexual expreiance in 6 months
She turned off her phone alarm (which was the theme song to Star Wars) and then asked me if I wanted a blow job before she went...of course I am going to see her again.
Make a note to pack something that won't catch shell casings in your cleavage
We drunkenly made out once four years ago and then he immediately vomited and honestly I've never gotten over him
If you were to to ask if I just hid 4 shooters or Jameson it my bra and panties the anwer would be yes, yes I did
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