Man, ugly runs in her family
yeah, big time
I don't know how to tell my mom that I'm not sober enough to drive to the dentist...
I havnt had this much beer since i losodt my virginity. thank. god.
trust me, there is no more disappointing feeling in the world than waking up at 4 in the morning with a random half naked chick in your bed and then realizing your roommates girlfriend just wandered into the wrong room.
The words "my birth control fell out" should never be spoken
I walked into his living room and saw him watching the play-offs while eating tomato paste out of the can with a bottle of wine. I'm telling you to stop talking to him. now.
Never ever ever ever ever ever give your number to a 30 year old at buffalo wild wings. Ever ever ever.
Lol, you asked the waitress to box up someone else's discarded food last night
He gave me the "find somebody who wants to date you for who you are" speech while I walked around the house asking people for pants.
Ran out of eye drops right after putting them in one eye. Half baked at work.
The wedding is over. Operation sleep with my step-sister has officially begun
Omg dude take a shower. You'll feel like god washed away all the sinful shit we did last night.
Obviously you're feeling a little sexually frustrated.
I consider humping a stranger every ten minutes when I walk in the street.
Turns out my GF and my FWB have a mutual friend. Yada yada yada, I need to crash on your couch
Is it too much to ask to have a life partner who has both male and female sex organs that looks cute and sounds like a female Antonio Banderas and likes to get weird?
Randomize
