I wish a night of watching Dear John and a bottle of wine could cure my herpes.
There is a woman in the bar breastfeeding a baby. Doing shots. Gotta love maryland Applebees.
I mean I knew we were putting on quite a show but I didnt realize HOW good until I woke up and 4 people were passed out with their ears to the bedroom door.
seriously my hangover is so bad I feel like my eye lashes make blinking a workout
we were sitting on his couch watching tv and laughing at how funny the voices on the commercial were, then we realized the volume wasn't on.
Ugh why does it have to be margarita Monday. Why can't it be pants off dance off beer pong but with jager Monday.
WE COULD TOTALLY DO ECSTASY AND GO TO THAT CAT SHELTER OFF OF BROADWAY.
At least I will not still be rolling when I pick up this animal. Thats a good development in five years
If this were a real emergency kilted men wielding claymores and riding giant badgers would hve rescued said Guinness. So clearly this is just a hypothetical
Do you sleep with the same women I've already slept with on purpose?
I tried to trade my phone for pizza last night. I guess I had priorities last night
Dude, I'm telling you, date younger. He brought pizza, made me squirt twice, and then left to immediately go to brunch with his mom.
I'll be perfectly honest; there are times other guys have consented to have sex with me because of my punctuation.
I have to sleep with him. We're too much alike. It's like clash of the titans, except instead of clashing, he's putting it in me.
I spent half my night explaining that i'm in an open relationship to the guys that I liked, and the other half of the night explaining that I have a boyfriend to the guys that I didn't like.
Randomize
