Ooooh. That's not a mole. Uncomfortable.
You totally drew a penis wizard on my closet that says "I travel for cock rock"
I'm not sure what happened last night but I woke up next to him and I was wearing nothing but my grandpa's diabetic socks, so I'm letting that fill in the blanks.
I had to explain to the waiter that I'm not the DD because I can't drive, but as the Designated 'Make Sure No One Gets Roofied Or Hit By A Car On The Walk Home'-er, I should still get the free drinks.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Will you just get over yourself and come over here and give me that dick...then you can go back home and continue to cry over us breaking up. Thank you
I remember key bumps, porn and a mom in my bed. Sums up my day.
that is an amazing summary hahaha
But see that's the thing. I know i'm better looking than you, I just want you to be continually in a state of shock and awe that you could ever get a girlfriend this hot. You know?
so i might have figured out why that girl isn't talking to me...I'm 90% confident I didn't give her a pillow when she stayed over >.>
sober me is the one who makes bad decisions every boyfriend I've ever had I met sober
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
LETS THROW SHIT OFF THE PORCH
You are the epitome of what awesome would taste like.
Em I need to know if his cum tastes like vodka. Report back.
Thank god for Taco Bell keeping you out of jail
Is it ok to bone a former patient who is also a client? Since it is two negatives does that cancel and become a positive?
He really is. Owns his own house and has more than one towel!
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