She ordered a salad and a budweiser. I love her.
I do what I can to inject something into your life every day. Today, humor. Saturday. Penis.
we got hammered off table wine and i ended up biting my acrylic nail off so i could finger his butt.. ill never look at valentines day the same
At one point in time, he cried and said I didn't appreciate him.
They let me keep the giant cocktail glass because I threw up in it. And made out with the bartender. Europeans are so generous. I'm getting it engraved
He might have if you were a little more subtle about your feelings instead of telling everyone multiple times how much you wanted his dick
He made me cum 4 times, we high fived afterwards and then I proceeded to tell him about this guy I'm dating whilst I made him a bacon sandwich. I think we've finally mastered being friends with benefits.
I think I'm still a little drunk from Sunday Funday and I just changed for a date in my car. wish me luck.
Remember when you fed me goldfish while I was -inside- of someone?
She's calming us down by shoving oreos in our mouths
being single and having a boyfriend 300 miles away is eerily similar. never skipped a beat eating hot wings in my bed with no pants or masturbating every day.
Yeah well you try taking nice pictures while you have pizza crust lodged in your throat
I spent a good part of the night in a bear hat claiming I'd changed spieces
HE LEFT ME THE DAY AFTER I LET HIM PEE ON ME. If you date him after that, I'll leave the fucking PLANET.
Did I tell you that I told him I deleted his dick pics and he almost started crying?
Randomize
