the sex was like sticking it in a jar of mayonnaise
She is my favorite of all the girls you have fucked. Other than me.
dude that girl has seen more cock ends then weekends
you would think someone who fights for his country could fight to last longer than 2 minutes
Just bought two budlight beers with a can of tuna at the bar
he asked you how you felt and you yelled "I FEEL SO PROACTIVE!" and started coloring with sharpies
This weekend is gunna be a fucking shitshow. I don't even wanna know how many dicks will end up inside of me
Aj and I already plan to tape our thumbs to our palms so we know how it feels to be a t-rex.
Apparently my type is "guy whose parents had unprotected sex on Halloween". Last week was my ex's, my FWB's, and the guy I'm seeing's birthdays.
Because of him my new motto is "Keep calm and fuck a guy with a beard". Yes, I am serious.
Had to go see my sisters new baby this morn in the clothes I wore to the rave last night. Still drunk. Almost dropped it. I'll be a good aunt right?
After I'd been making out with her for a good 15 minutes some guy yelled "grab this chicks beer she needs both hands!" And he was right I did need both: god bless jello wrestling.
she fell THROUGH the wall. All in all id have to say that my neighbors where pretty chill about it tho.
He told me to take off work and bring a bathing suit. If this doesn't involve six flags hurricane harbor or sex in a hotel pool I'm going to be disappointed.
Cheese, the small of a woman's back, the universe, mountains, vampiric demons, sleep, and dreams.
Randomize
