I am coming home for anal
* a nap*
let's just say, the carpet matched the drapes. in colour and length.
It makes me feel uncomfortable and unsafe when he licks my pants
I don't remember her name, all I remember is trying to suck the wedding ring off her finger.
You don't even know the meaning of faking an orgasm until you sleep with an uncircumcised ginger.
Day 8 of being sober: Sniffed an empty beer bottle at a restaurent and almost licked it. This is not working
You have not lived until you've seen your mother stumble into the house with one shoe on mumbling incoherently about tequila cupcakes.
Gees I domt know what your deal was. You kept looking at Nick and shaking your head frantically and doing a weird motion with your hands
Tgat was the small dick alert
He's used the term "balls deep" 3 times in the first hour. Thanks a lot, Plenty of Fish.
Im dating a 38 year old who's lap I can fit in. Tell me I don't have daddy issues.
Dude, I passed out on the side walk, lost my phone and shirt, and walked 12 miles home after I disappeared from the club
Spending Thanksgiving making a swinging profile brings the day to a whole new level...
Someone fucked a stripper in their rental car, there is goddamn glitter everywhere.
I just bought sparkling water with plan B. I am the most basic bitch to ever exist.
Last night was fun. Sorry I slipped out before you woke up
Also, your parents get up REALLY early. Please thank them for the bagel and travel mug of coffee. Happy Thanksgiving!
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