i want to give my vagina back to god and say no thank you
stop texting me from phones in the verizon store and pretending to be guys i talked to when i was drunk. its confusing.
I used to practice getting hit by cars.
I just decorated my birth control case with Lisa Frank stickers. If that doesn't scream 'I'm not ready for babies' I don't know what does.
It was like getting head from an anaconda
Just saw the guy with the plastic bag on his head riding his bike again...
Every pair of shorts I try on makes me look like some kind of powerful lesbian wizard.
That is like, the point of shorts
I shit you not ... they just advertised a recruiting service for strippers at this concert.
When do you want to get tanked and forget our entire college education?
sidebar: i fucked your brother last night
Yeah bc that's when u should take a Molly. At a house party with everyone from ur hometown
No dude shes like 5 feet tall and maybe 100 pounds... Normally i wouldnt be scared but someone gave her a bat. Thats why im in the bathroom
It was terrible. I am sore from head to toe, neither of us got off, and we were at it for an hour and a half, I faked having a heart episode so we could stop. It worked.
You’ll lick BBQ off my cock but no ketchup on a hotdog?
Fuck you, i'm all jacked up on bananas lets go somewhere
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