the roller ball on my blackberry is the closest i've come to touching a clit in 2 years.
im holly from the hills drunk
I answered the my mom's phone call about what we're doing for father's day while he was still fucking me. She thought I seemed really excited about his hiking boots present.
he thanks me after handjobs.
you found the perfect man.
If I squint, he looks like Jude Law. But that's kind of a weird face to make during sex.
I don't remember much but I remember it was a unanimous decision that Santa was indeed real and Cait's stripping somehow proved this.
I'm a lady, I can't pee on the ceiling. Even I don't have that power.
In sex ed. they really need to include a lesson on saying tampon in foreign languages, just in case.... Trying to ask the woman at the reception desk, who barely speaks English, for one just turned into an awkward game of charades.
Who says there aren't gentlemen anymore? My one night stand warmed up my car for me
Also I want everyone to be drunk at my funeral. Instead of wearing black just blackout. That way everyone can celebrate how fun I was
I told him that if he cleaned the bathroom, I'd blow him. You could eat off the toilet. Seriously, get over here. This is the cleanest you'll ever see it.
I ordered more beers for everyone but had to finish them all. I promptly went outside and projectile vomited in the street. Three times.
I'm so sad at the lack of dick in my life I am going to get sauced and make rice krispy treats
I just balanced a full glass of chocolate milk on my left boob. Don't think i've ever been more proud.
I ate cake in bed. Felt great
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