im in a room full of women tattooing each others tits. i hope i remember this tomorrow
i was puking in the toilet, he walked in and to talk to me and started puking in the sink.. Could this be my perfect man??
Bret has after-school detention for writing Brianna has a stinky vag on the ground at recess.
He had a huge mole on his dick. Genetics has cockblocked him for life.
He's paying me $45 to clean his room and $55 if i find the oxy that he lost.
Thanks for stopping me from letting that 14 year old feel my boobs. Thanks.
I have bruises everywhere. I think I took "the drinks are strong" as more of a challenge than a warning.
I had to rip your toilet paper for you...
It was right before we played jenga with champagne glasses for a good half hour
Now that we have successfully procreated, I need to know we are on the same page. Please tell me you are aware that there are whole seasons of our lives that our child can NEVER be made privy to.
We should probably write this down. That's a shit load of shit.
No celebraish? But today's the day that Jesus, Bruce Springsteen, and a flock of bald eagles came down from the heavens in fighter jets with electric guitars and M-16s a blazon, saying "Hey America, fuck the Red Coats, it's time to party"
Do you think if i wear this shirt with my bengals boxers this kid will fall out of love with me a little bit because that's what I was going for.
I'm not sure why he thinks weird that I masturbate AND look at pinterest at the same time.
We fucked while The Odyssey played in the background. Homer would be proud.
This conversation went from me banging other women's husbands to learning about baked goods. If that isn't personal growth I don't know what is.
Randomize
