you just used a box of cheese-its to get into the bar
I just recycled a years worth of liquor bottles. I can feel my alcoholic carbon footprint shrinking
Just realized my talking to the tv hockey voice is same as my sex voice. Life just got a whole lot weirder.
i've never heard her scream louder than when the koreans scored. what am i lacking in bed?
THERE ARE SO MANY GREAT DICKS IN THE WORLD. HOW DID I NOT DISCOVER THIS SOONER!?
I have pictures of you scratching against the sliding glass door on your knees screaming how you felt like a lamb.
Just sayin. I pissed on his couch, and ruined his stove. If he's not mad, we're partying there every weekend...
Safe to say I'm terrified but totally AMPED
I woke up with my wool blanket soaking wet on the dorm room floor, and my sweatshirt hanging on the shower door down the hall. So basically my camp-out-in-the-bathroom idea didn't turn out as planned
Oh no that was the time I did the walk of shame with no shoes
We got to his house, cuddled while watching game of thrones, then fucked during the repeat airing.
Sex in your truck helped me start regaining feeling in my jaw. Thanks!
he just sent me a dick pic, it highly resembled a cheese stick
I love you with the passion of a thousand FUCKBOYS during the height of week 1 texting
immediately after sex he started talking to me about nerdy stuff he meant to text me earlier, I'm completely smitten
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