I thought I was riding a bike, but I guess it was a vacuum cleaner
I think it's just because she's got "I'll sleep with anyone with a decent car" written all over her face.
maybe all of them together would equal one normal sized dick.
You're such a slut.
I prefer opportunist.
mimosa in my stainless steel water bottle. going green is not that bad.
Her boobs are too amazing to be looking at my dick. I'm even ashamed.
I woke up to you in just boxers at my door at 7a.m. with you saying how many squrriels you counted on the walk back, then you made me penis shaped pancakes
sitting on my lesbian neighbors couch, sexting, & eating a burrito.. that single
Just so you know, your wedding is in the same place I gave my first bj.
sex on the stairs. not our finest idea.
I woke up like how did I get here this blanket is nice but it was just the curtain
Who knew I could feel anymore shameful at the bar than i usually do...I think my bartender recognizes me from the walk of shame out of his house after i hooked up with his son yesterday
I have 13 missed calls from when I slept outside on some rocks
Gave her a puke bucket just in case. She filled the bottom of it with tears. Super sad. Although I am super proud she didn't puke. That was a lot of Fireball.
You’re better off without him. Actually, he’s better off without you and that’s what really matters
Randomize
