I have funfetti in my underwear...will you come get me?
new low: just stole a ciggarette from a bum sleeping on the side of the street.
ohh what kind?
I hate this i feel like im wasting my youth here. I should be off hooking up with boys around the world and having awkward next morning convos in different languages!!
The last thing I remember is you asking me how to grow french fries.
I just criticized a porno's use of editing. Film school is ruining me.
Between the two of us weve fucked every guy at this table
dude. this chick is staring at me like i gave her brother herpes.
His front door was open but I INSISTED on army crawling FOOT FIRST under the garage door. Then I peed the bed.
i also remember watching someone vomit off a balcony which was kind of grim
That's how pantless uber rides happen
Well I just saw a fully naked man doing a headstand in a cooler of ice water.
Dude \nSo embarrassed \nJust sent a snap to my boss john and noticed my vibrator was right beside me
Beer Olympics must happen in honor of the legit Olympics.
Nice people suck dick too. I'm proof.
Come on in. I'm butt naked, in the kitchen, eating ice pops
Randomize
