so I just asked a Chinese man and found out our tattoos actually mean vagina...
Her vagina smelled like hockey gear.
Don't worry about later. I already pre-ordered a pizza for a 1:45 delivery and told them to ignore any calls from your number.
You're getting good at this, you know that?
GOOD IDEA: Stealing the bike a couple blocks away so I don't have to walk. BAD IDEA: riding bike for the first time in years drunk as hell. I'm bleeding and my body hurts and once again I can't find my car.
I'll go out only because I know the starving children in third-world countries would frown upon us if we let an hour of free sangria go to waste...
All we did was argue about ponys and drug dealers
His dad asked what he was doing so he texted his FATHER a picture of me wearing his shirt in his bed.
Just proved I could salsa dance in a bar where no one was dancing
Sidenote...no idea how to salsa
Just took last nights make up off with a sock. That hungover.
Well, I got fired yesterday. At least I already paid for my Adele tickets.
And no one can masturbate with the sound of Bernie's voice in the background
I NEED A MOM FRIEND. NOW.
Im legit just salty with everyone who has a penis right now
She's chasing the cat around the house hitting it with a cardboard sword yelling "there can be only one!"
You ran outside mistaken the snow for sand and started screaming "WHERES TH BEACH"
Randomize
