I just ate 10 fun sized 3 musakteers.. I'm pretty sure I'm about to start my period.
Talk to you next week
Dude why does my asshole itch so bad?
I'll teach you how to wipe better
I saw his package. It spoke to me.
next person that tells me Facebook is a professional tool is getting kicked in the teeth.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We pay for beer, you give birth. It's how the world works.
He just stood there...Helen Keller and I could have had a more interesting conversation
i was concerned for your health after you took your "last shot" four times...
You know you had a bad blackout when you forget you held the stanley cup.
Turns out my drunken logic and wordsmithing isn't quite the same as the sober version. I'm pretty sure I made fun of the managers mom at one point
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Honestly I miss having a gay roommate. His female friends' implicit trust in him would carry over to me even though they knew Im straight. Best unintentional wingman ever.
I love it. Like, more than my penis at the moment.
I'm convinced that the Christmas lights in my room contributed to the great sex.
After the 3rd time his brother walked in on us I asked "Does he ever knock?" his reply "This is his room"... Turns out he didn't even live there... I feel like a hoe.
FYI your bra is now hanging in the hallway as a trophy.
i just woke up from a 4 hour nap, still drunk, to make mac n cheese.
Randomize