You were so drunk last night you thought you force pushed the automatic door open.
I'm watching this guy on intervention hospitalized for liver damage. He's drinking the hand sanitizer in the hospital room. Say hello to your future.
I popped a zit on your vagina. Don't say I never loved you.
Oh well shit happens. This is my not worried face. This is also my still decently drunk face.
You're sure you don't want to come? I'm pretty sure there is going to be "Pin the Tail on the Baby".
The calves of my jeans are covered in jello shots from Sunday, how desperate do I have to be before I start licking them?
I wish you would stop telling everyone that your cock turned me into a Bears fan.
I fell asleep on the air hockey table and someone turned it on, scariest shit ever when you're that fucked up
As its breast cancer awareness month, I'm going to do my part by making everyone aware of my breasts
I threw up off of your balcony and it must have been loud because the dog downstairs went insane.
I hope so much that you got average or above average dick tonight because I wish you the best
Pretty sure the guy at the Halloween party dressed as an ice cream man is working his way through the building without a care for gender or age. He high-fives me on his way out each morning.
This fucking storm better not ruin my sex plans this weekend
Woke up from a black out in a strangers Jeep without phone, shoes, or wallet.
Yo did you say we are blacking out saturday night and playing dodgeball?
Yeah for relay for life. Its for cancer
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