can u get pink eye on your cock?
Wow anytime a scalper has i need tix written on the back of a franzia box thats a trusted seller
I'm officially "accidentally set myself on fire" drunk
I figured that I'd start organizing the places ive given head. I'll add treehouse right after bandroom
I can't believe you broke a Paula dean wooden spoon over my ass
Just googled "penis wearing a hat" i think it's safe to say nobody found my ex's lost phone...
Please hurry up and come back. This is so awkward. He's showing me banana videos.
There's green glitter on my nipple rings. #mardigras2013
I'm gonna give the beer pong table a viking pyre funeral at the bon fire.
I think my FWB just broke up with me and i don't know how I feel about that
a day off where I don’t get laid would be worthless
Intoxication Level: I'm as graceful and flawless as a fucking dinosaur.
I just shaved my legs via the sink as to not wake my parents up because I know I'll be having marathon sex tomorrow after my certification exam... so this is life after college.
Don't ask but i need a priest, a calzone, a litre of gravy, and exactly 7 oreos
And a bag of nachos
I swear I'm an adult. I say as I send my mom to go find me green lucky charms and lady gaga oreos
Randomize
