If you get a breast reduction, you have to let me see them before hand at least once. It's a rule.
is it true you fucked a yoga instructor last night??! ..and let me know if you want me to post that question on your facebook so kelly can see how happy you are without her
This guy legit just tried to LSAT formal logic his way into my pants. Contrapositives and everything.
She called herself a train and then took off all her clothing. I forget everything after that.
I saw you two flinging Jello at the sidewalk if that helps jog your memory.
Sitting in a bubble bath with my bong, how's your morning?
No no no. When you take one for the team, there are no stipulations or conditions
what customs doesn't know wont hurt them
Your stoned with a 2 year old in the room....and that makes you want to have babies?!
So I walked in on her and she had taped her fingers together and was crying and was whispering something about "how humbling it is being in constant glove mode"
Because my vagina is Ellis Island. All foreign penises must be presented for inspection and competency. God bless America.
I mean, he's 40, foreign, artsy but with substance abuse problems and estranged children. How is he not my type?
I dont have to work tomorrow im yelling gibberish at squirrels
I'm drunk. And I'm alone. Eating chicken fingers in my underwear. I'd say life is grand.
You still owe me one bodily function mess clean up.
You pee on the floor one time and you never hear the end of it...
This is the most aggressive rendition of that Proclaimers song I ever heard.
Randomize
