i just rode the bull and i see vomit in my future.
sorry about last night, I don't know what happened but I woke up this morning and looked strikingly similar to courtney love, it had to be bad.
sometimes i think what itd be like to be a firework
i would bitch about being this hungover, but honestly im just happy to be alive after this weekend
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
they wouldn't let me take the pitcher of beer on the ferris wheel
i'm having the hardest time convincing my roommates to go dumpster diving for pizza with me. i really miss you..
Is shaving my mustache contingent on you sleeping over tonight?
rolling absolute tits, turn on the red lights for when i get home.
Quote of the night award goes to my father "I like wearing my swim trunks around the house because they are cooler and more blousy for my balls". Yay dad
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Thank god crabs can't live on your head. Thank god.
wow, being home for Xmas is freaking weird on tinder. I went to high school with everyone I'm matching... The fact that this many jocks like me now is a huge ego boost from my lack of glory days.
...and I'm done. I just matched two boys I used to babysit without realizing it.
Chicks before dicks must only mean American dicks
You know Sunday Funday was a success when 'puke and rally' came at lunchtime on Monday.
Shriek
Will you be doing the frenzied booty dance of passionate ownage on my penis tonight
I'm going to confession for the first time in 6 years. Where do I start, the gay sex or rampant alcoholism?
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