I just said that Oprah is crazy and like 5 fat white girls jumped down my throat. I sat back and smiled.
I just took went to the bathroom and it smelt like blue curococo... I didn't flush yet so head on up if you wanna know what a good night smells like.
I just want to let you know it was a unanimous decision that we would eat you first if we ever turned into cannibals, we figured with all the bacon you eat you may taste like it. It's a chance we are willing to take with your life...don't forget that we love you
We have been pregaming the shutdown of the government since Tuesday. Send help, and some more liquor.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Fuck. The basement bathroom I've been getting head in for 6 months just went 'Out of Service'.
I'm going to join a nudist colony to win $1000. There are no down-sides to this.
Even worse we were making a sex tape so our reaction to the condom breaking was recorded.
Fairly certain I cracked a rib. Masturbation is not for the weak. I die now.
I'm sorry that running around town like a frenetic wombat trying to find you KY jelly isn't good enough for you.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
tbh I think I just dated him for his dogs in the first place.
I would give a kidney to fuck him and he knows it. That bastard.
Did you really eat 10 ice cream cones today?
It was tough but I powered through it.
I'm using emojis for drug deals now. It's time to kill me.
coming down from speed on a 5 hour flight home from vegas is not a valid reason for calling off work the next day
so i said i had a yeast infection
Woman doing my Brazilian right now says to tell you she says hi...what has our life come to?
Randomize