I pretty much can't stop smiling when I talk to you. Even when you talk about disease and infectious diarrhea.
Never fear I pulled out... she had "lies about taking birth control" written all over her
when i told him i was pregnant with his baby he texted me 'congradulations'
i pity the fetus.
I asked my mother if she peed on that chair, she said "not bad" There is no good level of pee on a chair.
a girl walking in front of me just packed her cigarettes 72 times and yes i counted
how much adderall did you take today?
and then we had to stop you from trying to pour shots through your nose with the neti pot.
just found a bag of Oreos in my purse labeled "emergency".
We won't have time to talk.. I'll be rolling you a blunt and you'll be getting naked.
Im calling you paparazzi cause of all the dick pics you take of your one night stands ps loved the panoramic one!
You seriously don't remember crying about how much you miss your mom right before we hooked up?
of all the things that should kill me, scurvy wont be one of them
Thank you for listening to my rant about tacos.
I can't believe the police had to bring me to my booty call last night
All I remember is an overwhelming desire for chicken nuggets...
Yes, you pinned my brother to the floor by the throat and threatened to slaughter his family if he didn't drive to mcdonalds and get you some.
I need an outfit for the bar tmrw that reads I have daddy issues and would like a fancy sugar daddy.
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