There were 3 chicks in my bed I didn't know when I got home. Now I know all of them. Biblically.
She set an alarm on my phone for her birthday. Place: Her bed.
we tried to steal a tractor last night. you should have come out.
He asked me if we could throw a lingerie party together so I guess he's single again
I want you to get your positive energy all over me. I want to to look like something from Ghostbusters.
Dude are you being arrested? I swear I just saw you laying on the hood of your car with a cop patting you down...
Not to mention I think lunch is a little inappropriate when our relationship is only based on Mario kart and alcohol so far...
Your dick is going to fall off. Be careful or you'll get callouses. A workingman's dick.
I might stash a bottle of vodka in your mailbox, that way if I wanna leave early I can drink in your frontyard till you get back.
Is this really the life I've chosen for myself?
I think I met my butt stuff soulmate
Can I come over and use your shower? My roommate got drunk last night and took my bathroom door off its hinges
just caught myself putting beer in the oven and pizza in the fridge. i should be a trainwreck by tonight.
It's a classy one I promise! Their toilets are cushioned an tier wifi is named hummingbird
He's eating me out right now. That's how bad he is.
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