i don't know how boys match. i think shoes & belt are the only thing. it doesn't matter. i just know if they look stupid.
he cracked the bottle of jager at 11am and said "hey, its Saturday and I gotta do something"
he would probably call me "ma'am" when he's inside me. people love saying weird shit inside me.
How are you going to be there by 9am?
Relax I always go to these conferences hung over
You say that like it's a positive quality
It's like that depressing moment when you drop your cocaine in the snow.
Do you have any idea how hard it is to hit on your nurse while getting an HIV test.
I just found a wine bottle in my shower. Must have been a good night.
Why is the clock ticking so loud? Now I know how Captain Hook feels.
I'm at a restaurant. I am NOT about to discuss my asshole over the phone.
So he got the TA job but i told him its not official until we have a quickie on his desk. He offered to break into his office. He doesnt start until this fall.
You stopped loving me for a minute.
You sent me "Is nap," I don't think that really counts as a conversation starter.
Sorry, i'm on a strict diet of vodka and regret
Somebody put William Shatner singing Bohemian Rhapsody on the jukebox, and the whole bar is about to riot.
Our faces when the strip club was closed looked like the grinch just stole Christmas ☹️
Hello! Time means nothing. Good morning! I have a vague idea of what day it is.
It is Muednethiday, March 34th, in the Year of Our Lord Joe Exotic 3099.
Randomize
