maybe it wasnt such a good idea to pregame our lease signing...
There's a 24 hour period after giving head where you can't eat penis shaped food without me laughing at you
Dear room mates I tried to shotgun pam in the kitchen. It is slippery. Please be careful. That is all. Love you.
Oh btw, that was a wonderful blow job. You did a good job.
Good morning! Spongebob is on channel 257 when you wake up. Help yourself to breakfast. You were great last night. See you when i get back.
Did you seduce any young men into coming home to your love nest of poutine and jäger bombs?
You haven't lived until you've watched a retriever try to bring back the condom you just threw in its master's garbage
Guess who just sucked off 1/5 of one direction?
Ive done some fucked up shit, but last night was the first I have Poured milk on anothers mans face in the shower.
That's fine. It's not illegal to bring ham into a museum.
You aren't truly friends with someone until you play drinking games via text at 8:30 in the morning.
Apparently I give handjobs in my sleep. So that's interesting.
Are you drunk? You left me a voicemail at 5:59 AM of you making dolphin sounds.
we went outside for a smoke and when we came back in you were ptfo on the floor holding the phone to your ear. Pizza pizza was on the line.
You ever fart so hard it made you cum a little? A "friend of mine" wanted to know.
Randomize
