He must hate going to the bathroom. Every time he does he is reminded how small his dick is.
So there's dick imprints in the peanut butter
Apparently i just threw up in the bathroom, i told them i just blew my nose. i don't think they believe me...
The maintenance guy at work just asked me out for a drink. For once, I proudly said that I was 20.
There are bruises on the top of my foot. The pole won.
By this time tomorrow I expect us to be sitting at the kitchen table either playing a drinking game, or crying. Set an alarm
I wouldn't have puked last night if I didn't inhale straight pepper from you shattering the pepper shaker on the wall.
I was more than drunk as hell I have rug burn on my elbows from ninja roles on the ground..
Idk dude I just feel kinda weird masturbating in my Obama Biden 2008 shirt...
He woke me up because I was snoring and went for a second round. First time I'm happy that I snore
Ask me if I'm sitting naked in a lawn chair eating a block of cheese waiting for a bacon grilled cheese sandwich
I couldn't really understand you because you were really quiet and I said "I don't know what you're saying, it's kind of a big mumble" and you said "that sums up my life"
She unfriended me four minutes after we fucked. That must be some sort of record.
Rum and your dick are involved. You're relying on the unreliable narrator.
He sent me a website link to GIF on Snapchat. I don’t think he understands how Social Media works.
Randomize
