I love watching the kids I sold drugs to score touchdowns
I passed out on the floor of a truck stop. Drinking binge 2011 is now over.
I got the number from the girl at uhaul even after she saw me throw up all over the parking lot with a 6 pack in my hands.
The walk home from the bar is FAR more shameful in daylight.
My neighbor caught me peeing on his rose bushes at 2 in the morning while wearing my Santa hat. My sex appeal has never been higher.
I say we go and bring jello shots with laxatives. 57% sure one of his toilets is broken
He pointed at some girls and said "I'm gonna have sex with them girls over there", and disappeared.
maybe her throwing up on me was a foreshadowing of how she would later metaphorically throw up on my life
Also, I want you to know, that not only am I apparently the expert on sexting. Our bishop is consulting me later. So my talents are varied.
Yes, yes I will fake crap in his house for you.
so "excuse the stench" wasn't the correct thing to say when your boyfriend's parents walk in on you shitting. Live and learn
My vagina has a heartbeat. That means I'm in love, right?
I dare you to find another dealer that delivers bud to your home along with deep fried vegan burritos
On a scale of having tea with Ghandi to the apocalypse how bad of an idea is it to drink with a 100 degree fever?
holy shit! you were walking down a hill and just happened to be passing a trash can like 4 ft away and projectile vomited over a fence into the trash can. kept walking and drank a beer.
Randomize
