She came to work with 6 additional layers of make-up, playing every Nickelback song about explicit teen sex, and with a dozen twinkies she bet she could finish without chewing any. I'm investing in a rape whistle.
so my phone autocorrects 'retard' to 'retaaahd'. i LOVE being a masshole!
MTV running anti-sexting commercials is a slap in the face to everything our generation has accomplished.
Aside from the fact that there's a penis in my mouth, that's a pretty good picture of me
If turning my entire backyard into a slip-n-slide is wrong then I don't wanna be right
maybe you should do the old hyperventilate, take a shot of vodka, sniff someone's hair trick
We lost Kevin again. Probably kidnapped by fattie 2 or butter-face 2 from last night. We need names and any information you can give us. Last scene with his shoe laces converted into a belt.
Laying on my kitchen floor and the lights just got brighter... I just died or there was a power surge. Based on the amount of booze I drink both are possible.
Ugh I just wanna make an announcement like: Attention high school classmates: if we haven't spoken in 5 years, we don't need to start now. Please be on your way
Hate sex is good. Drunk sex is better. Combine those two however and you get the best experience of your LIFE.
Just got a message on OkCupid from a 20-year-old who has "Momma's Boy" tattoed across his chest and thinks the earth is bigger than the sun.
I just paid my school fees like a real adult who doesn't get accidentally drunk on a Tuesday night
My roommate just woke up to me masturbating in our room. I figured this would happen eventually.
Mom just walked in on a bj. IT'S WHATEVER.
He’s got a big dick and a big ego. This could be fun
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